Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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