Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
