You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
