My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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