Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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