Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
