Can i not drive my cunt home
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
