It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize