I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
