I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
