please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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