I'll bet she douches with gravy.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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