i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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