The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
