She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize