you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We need to get me chipped asap
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
