i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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