Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I got inside last night via doggy door
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize