we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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