If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
