you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Holy shit dude........stairs
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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