I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize