I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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