Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
