I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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