on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If I die, sorry about rent.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
