Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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