Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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