covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
