I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
