I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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