They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
