dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
