Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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