I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
