thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
40s are totally the cure
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize