so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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