Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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