Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
