Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
