you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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