A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
