We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
