Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
