i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I love having hate sex.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
