Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
