How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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