Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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