There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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