Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
