shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
