Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
