Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
