Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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