this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
