lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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