He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
