And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
