once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
