the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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