my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
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