Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize