i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize