I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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