I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
