maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
