I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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