Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
