please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
