Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
