your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
