I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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