Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
