The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
