did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
