Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
