I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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