We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
