guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
