i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I faked an abortion last night.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
