six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
