Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
