I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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