He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
