my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
