I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
barbara walters just said penis...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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