he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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