Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
