my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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