I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it's like iHOP with fire
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
