Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize