I like my sex mixed with concussions.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
