I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
