At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
