Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
