She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
