Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize