hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
